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  • Writer's pictureJess

The Enemy of Connection

Do you ever look around in a restaurant and just observe people?

There's the couple who's CLEARLY on an awkward first date

There are plenty of people eating their food and making polite conversation

But then there are the couples who you assume have been together a while…

➡️ Because they're sitting in silence, staring at their phones instead of each other. ⬅️

This hurts my heart. I just want to run over, throw their phones on the floor, and tell them they're missing it!

[Please know I've never done that…yet 😁]

But this scenario gives me great pause. It makes me think about all the times I've chosen to pick up my phone instead of talking to the humans RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

And it makes me think…

If you were the enemy of everything good and pure and holy, how would YOU take love and connection and meaning away from relationships?

My guess is you wouldn't make it obvious.

You'd sneak in there.


One dopamine hit here… and another there.

Twist the gift of advanced technology in such a way that the humans don't notice they're distracted from their actual lives.

Notifications, buzzing, and delightful chimes to make the humans salivate at the thought of distraction and superficial connection.

So the humans barely even realize they're slowly turning away from each other… and instead seeking out a screen.

Little by little they're being enslaved to the tiny rectangle in their hands.

And the humans just want MORE.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? It's possible.

But maybe it depends on which table is yours at the restaurant.


When Nic (my husband) and I were going through intense counseling in 2017, our counselor made it clear there was one distinct way to 'defeat' Nic's pornography addiction.

It would take lots of intentionality on his part.

He would need to LOOK for ways to put this into place.

There would be no 'hoping and praying' this would just 'happen' for him.

But the ONLY way forward would be to make sure this was present every single day in his life.

The antidote was REAL, undistracted connection.

THIS is why we're so passionate about staying connected - in our marriage, in our family, and to Jesus.

There is absolutely NOTHING more important for the vitality of our relationships.

Even if it's just 15 minutes of talking while we make dinner or sitting up talking after the kids go to bed, it's essential.

And we could talk for days about how vitally important it is to stay connected with your kids!

(There's a blog series coming alllll about that 😉)

Make REAL connection a priority in your marriage and in your life.

The journey starts by getting real with your Savior. Tell Him EVERYthing on your heart. Be honest - He can handle it!

Once you open yourself up to Him, then real connection can be formed in your marriage (and other relationships).


Want more ideas about how to foster real connection in your relationships? Sign up for my email list.


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