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  • Writer's pictureJess

How do I Trust Him Again?

In 2017, I thought our marriage was ending.

After catching my husband 'in the act' of his pornography addiction for the 6th time in our 10-year marriage, I'd HAD it.

And in the church world we grew up in, this meant I would be labeled as the one at fault (since I would be divorcing him with zero sign of "physical adultery").

But I simply didn't care.

My broken heart couldn't stand to be betrayed again.

I had to get my 4 babies and get outta there.

I had to create a world where I couldn't be betrayed like that again.


When you experience betrayal over and over and OVER again, it leaves quite a scar.

You can forgive the person who's wronged you - it's the only way to move forward in life.

But trusting them again?

That's no easy task.

In my experience, there's only ONE way trust can be rebuilt after years of broken promises and betrayal…

It simply takes TIME.

Over time, the offender is:

Consistently showing up

Doing what they say they'll do

Staying accountable to the right people

Owning when they're having a hard day

Not making excuses

There's no way around it.


2017 ended up being the year our marriage was completely deconstructed...

and a new one was built in its place.

The old marriage was built on lies, deceit, financial infidelity, sexual addiction, and hypocrisy.

There's no coming back from that without a COMPLETE overhaul and rebirth.

And the ONLY way that happens is if BOTH parties are 100% bought-in to the process of rebuilding.

Thankfully, my husband and I were both ready to start over. And on October 1, 2017, that's exactly what we committed to doing.

We began rebuilding.

This is the point in the story I always get asked:

"How in the WORLD did you learn to trust him again?"

Without the grace of God, I couldn't have.

Without the grace of God, Nic wouldn't have had the courage to start over.

Without the grace of God, neither of us would be who we are today.

Consistently showing up over a LONG period of time is the only way trust can BEGIN to be rebuilt.

Few make the choice to own their mistakes and commit to the long haul of rebuilding trust.

But speaking from extensive experience as a benefactor… it's WORTH it.

👉 What would you add to this trust-rebuilding list?


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